Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet.

Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet

Virginia State Constitution: Article 1; Section 13
That a well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the proper, natural, and safe defense of a free state, therefore, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; that standing armies, in time of peace, should be avoided as dangerous to liberty; and that in all cases the military should be under strict subordination to, and governed by, the civil power.

Alabama State Constitution: Article 1: Section 26
That every Citizen has a right to bear arms in defense of himself and the State.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014



Everyone who writes about Ebola keeps addending a little bit where they say, "At least it's a difficult disease to catch."

Well let me burst your bubble right now.
Ebola has never turned in numbers like this before. The current rate of infection is easily 20 times what it has been for every outbreak in the past. (I'm being conservative)

Absolutely no one in any official capacity has said the word airborne out loud.

ETA: Great joke on the local radio tonight...
The Bad News: Ebola is in the United States
The Good News: We're so behind the time here in Alabama, we won't see it here for 4 or 5 years.

I Don't Care What You Call It

Around here they call them Palmetto Bugs.

I call bullshit.

Those things are roaches. Giant, evil roaches that fly. They fly into your hair, get tangled in it, and then fall down into your shirt.


Monday, September 29, 2014

Monday Bleg

Throwing my hat in the ring.

There's a couple nice people who need some help.

The Bayou Renaissance Man (Peter) wrote about it HERE. Go by there and check it out. He has the links so you can visit Erik's blog and offer a few kind words.

What would be even better, you could go by HERE and drop a few bucks to help out.

Strength and Honor.


Sunday, September 28, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #105

Good Movies

Watched 3 Days to Kill on Netflix last night.

It was better than I expected. How did this one slip under the radar? It must have come out at the same time as some well-advertised blockbuster.

Decent action scenes, and the humor was dark, almost morbid.

Good Books

Mad Dogs by James Grady.

A psychiatrist is murdered in a secret mental hospital in the boonies. The patients, who are all psychotic CIA agents, realize they're about to get fingered for the murder. They all escape the asylum together and go looking for the real murderer.

Again, seriously morbid humor.

I'm wrapping up Fire and Forge today, and I'll mail it out tomorrow.

Good TV Shows

Shit. There aren't any.
Tried watching Orange is the New Black. The first episode was put together purely for the shock value. Does it really take that kind of thing to get people interested in a new show?
From the second episode onward, a real story line started to develop. Too bad it wasn't interesting enough to keep us engaged.
After four or five episodes, we simply lost interest and wandered off to find something else.


Saturday, September 27, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #125


File under "Things you don't want to see coming at you."
Right behind "18 Wheelers", but before "Ball lightning".

Reminds me of the sandstorms in Saudi, only without the winds.

War Story time:
There I was, toodling down the road in an AF PAX van, a Ford Econoline behemoth with a ragged-out diesel. I was returning from ferrying some TCNs out to the Saudi gate, still a few miles from reaching our little airfield, when everything suddenly turned orange.
I slammed on the brakes. For a second there, I was really freaking out. It was my very first sandstorm ever, and I was looking all over the place inside and outside the van, trying to figure out why my vision appeared to be fading.
As my panicked eyes slid across the side mirror, I saw a frothing ocean wave boiling across the beach towards the back of my vehicle.

but I wasn't on a beach.

and the ocean was about a million miles away.

It was the only image my brain could assign to what I'd seen. I had to get a better look. I shoved the shifter into Park, tore off my seat belt and cracked the door open as I twisted around to peer behind the van. Just in time to get a snootful of dust. The first blast of wind grabbed the door and tried to wrest it from my grasp.
I slammed the door shut and sat there tearing and coughing; blowing my nose with those crappy brown paper towels. By the time I was done cleaning up all my various forms of mucous, I was in the thick of it. The wind grabbed the van and rocked it in all directions. I could see about three feet outside the windows, but not very well. After a couple minutes I remembered to shut off the engine, and I knew I was stuck just waiting it out. None of our flightline vehicles had the extra filters on them. They were all supposed to be locked away in a hangar when a sandstorm hit.
I settled in for the long haul. I had a half-bottle of Gatorade and two packs of salted peanuts. Of course I had left my goggles sitting back at the shop with the rest of my gear, and I wasn't trying to walk anywhere in a sandstorm anyway. The worst of it blew over in an hour. I waited another 30 minutes or so to try to let some more of the dust settle out of the air and then fired it up and drove the rest of the way home.

Got bitched at by the motor pool guys when I dropped the van off.


Friday, September 26, 2014

Thursday, September 25, 2014

A Sense of Humor

Deputy - Did you see or hear anything funny last night? Maybe people you've never seen in the neighborhood? Something like that?

MSgt B - Nope. Got home at 7:30, had a grilled cheese sandwich, drank three beers, went to bed at 8:30. (before you ask)

Deputy - What about this morning?

MSgt B - Heard the trash truck at 7:30.

Deputy - You sure it was the trash truck?

MSgt B - I could see it through the windows in the garage. I was out there smoking. (before you ask)

Deputy - Blah blah blah. Hands me a card with the county sheriff's office number on it.

At this point, the guy switches over to "make nice with the yokels" mode.
It's a big county, and we're way out on the edge. We don't usually see sheriff's deputies out this way, especially for petty shit like what the neighbors were talking about. The local town police do all the patrolling around here.
Sounds to me like someone is friends with the sheriff. It's that kind of neighborhood.

Deputy - So you were in the Air Force?

MSgt B - Holy shit, Sherlock. Did you deduce that from the big, fat "U.S. Air Force Retired" sticker on the back window of my pickup in the driveway? You're a fucking genius. Yup, twenty and out.

Deputy - I was in the Marine Corps.

MSgt B - I won't hold it against you.

Deputy - Wish I could say the same.

We both stood there and deadpanned at each other for a second before we both started chuckling at our own jokes.

A Jarhead with a sense of humor. You sure don't see that every day.


Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Hump Day Rule 5 - Juno Temple

Does the accent make a British actress even hotter?

She recently starred in Jack & Diane, a lesbian movie with werewolves...or maybe it's a werewolf movie with lesbians. Either way...

Monday, September 22, 2014

Monday Mood Music

On the road by 0600. Into the belly of the beast.

I have to drive through Atlanta. Lord help me.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #104

Agh. It's that time of year again.

I'll spend my lovely Sunday afternoon sitting in the house, eyes glued to the computer screen, trying to come up with eight different ways to say "You suck." without hurting anyone's feelings.


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #124

Bacteriological Warfare

Thursday night we got dinner at the Sonny's BBQ in Perry GA. I had the smoked brisket, cole slaw, cornbread and fries.

Something went wrong.

Terribly wrong.

My journey Friday was a Kafkaesque nightmare, composed of every hygienically questionable gas station restroom between Macon GA and Birmingham AL, as I spent almost six hours making the three hour trip home.

and I didn't even get the pork. Just one slice of bacon might have made it all worth it.

On a lighter note.

I've been talking about going on a diet anyway.


Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Hump Day Rule 5 - Cocoa Beach

I'm back in Cocoa Beach for a couple days.
They launched a Saturn V from the cape last night, that was totally fuckin' awesome.

It's started already. I saw a passel of Ontario license plates around here yesterday.

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

It Was Coolio

I swear it was...

Mrs B and I were standing outside the back door of the hotel smoking.

MSgt B - Look! It's Coolio!
                Yeah. I started singing and gyrating. I got moves.

Mrs B - Nope. Not Coolio.

MSgt B - What do you mean not Coolio? I swear that was him, dude. I'd recognize that guy anywhere.

Mrs B - If it was Coolio, he would have gotten into the Escalade, not the Hyundai.

MSgt B - Ah! Very good...I should pay more attention.

Mrs B - So should he...he forgot to get his beer off the roof of his car before he drove away.

No shit. Dude drove right out of the parking lot with a half-finished beer on top of his car. Right over the driver's seat.


Monday, September 15, 2014

Ripple Creek Security

I bought a Ripple Creek Security T-shirt from Mike last week.

Totally fuckin' awesome. I decided to wear it for our drive down to Florida.
So...on the way down to Jacksonville on Sunday, Mrs B and I stopped in a Waffle House in Albany, GA for a late lunch.

This huge freak of nature comes over and sits next to us at the counter....seriously, the guy was a giant. He had shoulders that kinda sloped upwards into a shaved-skull appendage that someone had crudely pasted a face onto...and neck tats.
Turns out he was very interested in working as a personal security professional. Wanted to share all his qualifications with me over lunch.

I told him to go ahead and apply online, and in the part where it asks you how you heard about this company, put in that you met Alex.

What the hell else was I supposed to do?

Avoid arguing with the guy with prison tats.


Sunday, September 14, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #103


Mrs B has decided to make the Florida run with me this week.

Getting on the road early. (So to speak)

Is that a 22/45 or a Mk III? Wish I could see the grip angle better...

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #123


Made it back home last night, although I didn't roll in until eight or so.
I had to make the push so I can have one whole day here before I have to roll out for JAX Sunday.

I had the fried catfish special at the Creek Bank Restaurant* for lunch yesterday. That's the first time I've had it served whole like that.
My techs down in that area tell me that's the only right way to eat catfish. They clean it and skin it, then drop it in the fryer. I made them demonstrate before I believed that you could eat the fins, and they were actually quite good.
It's almost impossible to eat them with a fork. You just pick up the damn fish and go at it like corn-on-the-cob. When you're done, you're holding a cartoonish set of fish bones with a little bit of tail on one end.

I'll be going back.

* - Funny that the only bad review at the link is someone crying "ZOMG! People were smoking in there! Even my waitress!" 
Ha Ha Ha...suck it, you nanny-state liberal weenie! And they don't have fucking Wi-Fi either! Go find yourself a Panera Bread!

Inappropriate Humor in 3...2...

Friday, September 12, 2014

Bad Humor

Ended up on the road for 9 hours yesterday. Ended up in Mobile. Now I'm looking forward to a nice long day in the sun and humidity.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Hump Day Rule 5 - Anna Faris

Mrs B got a copy of House Bunny for her birthday.
(Don't give me that look. She loves the movie.)

Anna Faris isn't just a nice set of...eyes. She's an incredibly funny lady, and she shows up in the most interesting places.

My next "must see" movie.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Free Ice Cream Update

It's great to see Tam back at it again.

Everyone was a little stunned when she went off the air.
I would say drop by and give her some encouragement, but she's had to turn off commenting completely at her blog because some people can't avoid shitting where they eat. Maybe just drop in and check out some of her articles; let the hit counter do your talking.
Comments or not, her blog has been a daily read of mine since I found out there was such a thing, and will continue to be as long as she'll keep doling out the free ice cream.


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #102


Veteran Approved

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #122

I actually slept in this morning. Pretty impressed with myself.
I've learned that spending the week at home, burying my head in TPS Reports instead of being on the road can be just as tiring as a Miami-Birmingham run twice in one week.
Not to worry. The road beckons. Need to divide my next week between Macon and Mobile.

Time to step away from the computer. I've got a kick-ass Jambalaya to put together, and I need to get the ball rolling if we're going to have it for dinner tonight.

Here's some links to people that blog much more interesting shit than I ever could.

Borepatch has got the whole Kilted to Kick Cancer thing going strong this year. Go give him money.

Krissy has ignored all the love-letters I've sent her.
If only I had known that homemade pickles might have gotten me ahead in the game...

The Adaptive Curmudgeon reminds us what "survivalist" means.

Jenny Lawson has mad skillz. Not just as a blogger and humorist.

There's a lot more like that in the sidebar. Help yourselves.