Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet.

Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet

Virginia State Constitution: Article 1; Section 13
That a well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the proper, natural, and safe defense of a free state, therefore, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; that standing armies, in time of peace, should be avoided as dangerous to liberty; and that in all cases the military should be under strict subordination to, and governed by, the civil power.

Alabama State Constitution: Article 1: Section 26
That every Citizen has a right to bear arms in defense of himself and the State.

Monday, March 31, 2014

Monday Mood Music #2


Fuck Cancer

Sunday, March 30, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #84

Just finished my second Jack Reacher novel and I'm hooked. It's right up there with Dave Robicheaux.

The next one will have to wait a bit though, as my copy of The Grey Man has finally arrived.
Actually, I think it got here during the week sometime, but I'm just now home long enough to notice it.

For a wholly accurate and indisputable biography of the author of The Grey Man, go HERE.

Fuck Cancer.

Just because Sam is a survivor, doesn't mean the fight is over.

My buy Hutch is going to the mattresses again this year to try to help out all the other kids through the St. Baldrick's Foundation.

Hutch's Donations Page >> LINK << Hutch's Donations Page

There's only a couple weeks left until the big event. Let's get some money in the pot.

Inappropriate Humor in 3...2...

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #101

Douchebag of the Year

Sorry it's been kinda quiet around here. Same as usual, work is piling up and I'm on the road every day.
The old lady's starting to get a little upset with the guy who comes by and does his laundry once a week.



100 Saturdays ago

Monday, March 24, 2014

Monday Mood Music

No rest for the wicked.


Sunday, March 23, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #83

Hutch is at it again.

You all may remember my boy Hutch from last year. Or, if you don't, you'll be certain to remember Sam.

This is Sam.

Happily, Sam received his last chemo treatment last fall, and has been in remission ever since.

But that doesn't mean the fight is over for his dad. Hutch continues to work with the St Baldrick's Foundation, trying to help the other kids out there.

This April, he'll be going back under the clippers. If he can raise enough money, then everything comes off, including that sexy goat of his. He's set his sights higher this year, with a goal of $2500.

Damn that beard of his. Makes me jealous every time I see it. 

Hutch is the only guy out there with a sexier goatee than MSgt B, except maybe Larry Correia.
No...on second thought, my goatee is definitely better looking than Larry's.
Sorry Larry, don't feel bad. You're finishing in a strong third place.

Anyhow. You all need to get over to Hutch's St Baldrick's Donation Page and get the ball rolling. I'm going to keep coming back to this until we've gotten Hutch over his goal amount.

If we can double it, I'm demanding a bikini wax. Who's with me?


Saturday, March 22, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #100

Not much to tell.

Home again for a day or so, then back to Georgia Sunday night.

I'm playing "Pick-3" today.

No, not the lottery. I have so much shit to get done this weekend that I've got to just pick three tasks and knock them out.

And the winners are:
Haul a bunch of shit to the dump
Hit my list of thrift stores for some new shirts
Do the basic groceries/post office/hardware store weekly run

On Sunday I can get my laundry done and my bags re-packed; maybe even knock some items off the honey-do list around the house.

Here's my other "Pick-3" for this morning. Three blogs you should go check out.

The Vulgar Curmudgeon - A kindred spirit. He's another guy who works too damn hard.

Goodstuff's Cyber World - A linkfest of epic proportion. Kept me entertained for a couple hours this morning.

Scratching to Escape - The other workaholic, but he's the guy who actually writes some good fiction.


One hundred Saturdays? Have I been farting around on this blog for that long?
Here. New fixture for the bottom of my Saturday Morning Coffee posts.

100 Saturdays Ago

Thursday, March 20, 2014



Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Hump Day Rule 5 - Ellen Degeneres

Because she appreciates a nice pair of tits as much as the next guy. (or

Plus, she's married to Portia De Rossi. The hottest lesbian on the planet.

I read in one of those supermarket tabloids that they're splitting up. Maybe all those letters I've been writing to Portia have finally paid off, and I've convinced her to go back to batting for the home team.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Were We In Prison Together?

One day at home

and back on the road.

It's all about the Benjamins.



Sunday, March 16, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #82

Still working.
With any luck, I'll be able to fly back to B-ham tonight.

Ever notice, of all the people in Florida, there's not many from Florida?

I think if all the tourists and snowbirds went home at once, the population would drop by 70%.


Saturday, March 15, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #99

I must admit to a bit of disappointment when I wasn't able to book myself into one of my favorite hotel chains for this trip. I get all my "frequent flyer" points at Holiday Inn Express or Hampton Inn.
I ended up at a Red Roof Inn. Definitely not my first choice, but it's a step up from the Dew Drop Inn.

The lobby coffee here is awesome.
Made just the way I like it. You could strip paint with this stuff. It's like drinking Drano for the lower intestine, IYKWIMAITYD.

Red Roof Inn - 1
MSgt B - 0 (and I do mean zero)


The largemouth bass (Micropterus salmoides) is a freshwater gamefish in the sunfish family, a species of black bass native to North America. It is also known by a variety of regional names, such as the brown bass, widemouth bass, bigmouth bass, black bass, bucketmouth, Potter's fish, Florida bass, Florida largemouth, green bass, green trout, gilsdorf bass, linesides, Oswego bass, southern largemouth and (paradoxically) northern largemouth. The largemouth bass is the state fish of Alabama

Friday, March 14, 2014

I'd Complain, but...

Light blogging.

I'm stuck working through the weekend, and the days are running to 13 - 14 hours.

I'd complain, but I'm stuck in West Palm Beach, Florida.
I'm guessing none of my friends up north want to listen to me complain about the sunburn I'm getting.


Tuesday, March 11, 2014



I got stuck in a hotel with broken wifi last night. No free ice cream. Not for you, not for me, not for anyone.
The withdrawal symptoms were terrible.

Now I'm headed down to West Palm Beach.

If I hear "I've only got one room left" one more time, I'm going to throat-punch someone.
Seriously. Does anyone even believe that shit anymore?
Somehow, the desk clerk always manages to find a room for me, twice the normal rate.

I forgot about the whole "Spring Break" thing. No way to push the trip off, though.


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Sunday morning sleep-in #81

Holy shit did I ever sleep in.

After the rodeo, I purposely stayed up as late as possible. I have a late flight to Orlando tonight, but, Daylight Savings? Really?

So I've officially slept in until 10:00 for the first time in, like, 20 years or something.

Four cups of coffee and a lot of blog-surfing later...

Still can't make the brain-box work right. Too much sleep is a real thing.
It's almost noon and I haven't packed a stitch of clothing yet.

Look! Bewbies!

Saturday, March 8, 2014

Saturday Morning Coffee #98

Go by PawPaw's and congratulate him on the family's business venture.

In this age of electronic world-shrinking, people sometimes forget that the ocean can be a vast and lonely place.
I mean, it's big. Really fucking big.
Some of you old squids know what I'm talking about. You can sail around on a boat for days and see a whole lot of nothing.

Search for the missing Malaysian airliner

And they weren't even in the big part of the ocean. They were in the little part off to the side with lots of fiddly bits.

Who thinks the Vietnamese accidentally shot it down? Any takers?

Still got lots to do today before we can head out to the rodeo tonight.

Busy busy busy...



Dafuq did I just read?

Friday, March 7, 2014

Yay Me!

I pulled a "Stephen".

I found a 550-round box of Remington .22 LR while cleaning out the garage.
Somehow, during the last move, it ended up in a box of tools and shit from the basement of the old place.

Got a lot of stuff to knock out today.

Going to the Rodeo tomorrow before I fly out to Florida on Sunday.


Thursday, March 6, 2014

This Guy Walks Into a Bar...

A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another piss drunk man keep falling off his stool. The man finishes his drink watching the other man try to get back up on the stool. Feeling sorry for the drunk, the man tries to stand him up, but the drunk keeps falling. The man thinks that this drunk needs to be taken home, so he finds his address in his wallet. On the way to his car, the man had to practically carry the drunk man. After finally finding his house, the man carries the drunk man to the front door. He rings the doorbell and a lady answers. "Ma'am, your husband is drunk, so I decided to give him a lift home." The woman replies, "Thank you sir, but I have one question...Where's his wheelchair?"


A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, 'Hey, we have a drink named after you!' 
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, 'You have a drink named Steve?'


A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's enjoying it, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, he somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey did?"
The guy says, "No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the guy. "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for everything."
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he's in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out and eats it. The bartender is disgusted.
"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, what?" replies the guy.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his ass, pulled it out, and ate it!" says the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the guy. "He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first."


Wednesday, March 5, 2014