Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet.

Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet

Virginia State Constitution: Article 1; Section 13
That a well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the proper, natural, and safe defense of a free state, therefore, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; that standing armies, in time of peace, should be avoided as dangerous to liberty; and that in all cases the military should be under strict subordination to, and governed by, the civil power.

Alabama State Constitution: Article 1: Section 26
That every Citizen has a right to bear arms in defense of himself and the State.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Simp McGhee's (Dinner in Decatur)

I'm heading back up to Decatur, Alabama this week.

Decatur has seen it's share of boom and bust over the years. Throughout the 19th Century and into the 20th, it was, along with neighboring Huntsville, a major hub of river and rail traffic along the Tennessee River.

As you can imagine, this meant that, during the Civil War, the place changed hands quite a few times between the Union and Confederate armies. At the end of the war, only four buildings were left standing. They are still standing today.

Rail and river traffic is not what it used to be. After some hard times in the mid-20th Century, Decatur and Huntsville have come racing back to prosperity as a major hub of manufacturing.
A jewel in the crown of the Tennessee Valley.

For the finest food in Decatur, you'll need to head down to Bank Street, in the historic area along the tracks headed for the bridge over the Tennessee River. There you will find Simp McGhee's.

As you enter, you'll be greeted by a first-class bartender. A hallmark of any quality establishment.
(Seriously, by my second visit, this guy had my Yuengling sitting on the bar by the time I made it over there from the front door. A gentleman and a scholar if I've ever met one.)
The main floor also has dining tables, for those of you who actually go out to eat with friends.

There is a very nice dining room upstairs, for anyone who would enjoy a quieter, more refined dining experience. (I don't spend much time up there, just one visit with my boss and a couple salesmen.) The landing on the stairs usually has one or two people playing live music on the weekends.

Now, on to the good stuff...the food.
I started my dinner with a pan-seared tuna Sashimi, with homemade tortilla chips. Hands-down the best almost-raw tuna I've had, evar.

Then, for my main course, it was Shrimp & Grits.
Seriously, under all that shrimp and sauce is a pile of grits. Delicious. (Bacon bits!)
Welcome to Alabama.

Simp McGhee's is the first choice if you're looking for dinner in Decatur.
One more thing.
As a treat for all my gunnie buddies. Hanging on the wall next to a picture of old Simp is a...gun?

It looks more to me like an old rifle that was cut down to pistol size. I really couldn't tell you for sure. I got a good look at it, and I'm certain it was once actually a working firearm; of what provenance, who's to say?

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Hump Day Rule 5 - No Hotties 4 U

This whole 4-day work week has thrown me off my game.

I thought today was Tuesday.

How about some inappropriate humor?


Tuesday, May 28, 2013

You Can't Stop the Signal

I'll be blogging telepathically today.

So if you think of something



or meaningful.

That was me.


Monday, May 27, 2013

Memorial Day

"...from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion; that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain; that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom; and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth."

~ Abraham Lincoln

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Sunday morning sleep-in #49

I've spent the morning working on my blog, a rare occasion lately. I've been cleaning up and assembling some posts I've had sitting on the back burner for some time now.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel as my work begins to steady down to where it needs to be for me to actually have time for blogging.
Covering a four-state region via Ford F-250 means that an inordinately large portion of my job involves keeping my ass planted behind the wheel and keeping rest stops to a minimum. Time is money.

I have a business card with a cool sounding job title, and if asked what my job entails, I have a repertoire of goods and services offered by my company; a very nearly automatic segue into a silky-smooth sales pitch.
But if you want to know what it is I actually do; what actually involves the largest percentage of my time that I am paid for, well, here it is...





From the "Nice car you've got there; be a shame if something were to happen to it..." Department:


"It's a consumer protection," said Bob Glaser, president of the NCADA, "and why we say that is a dealer who has invested a significant amount of capital in a community is more committed to taking care of that area's customers."

Inappropriate Humor in 3...2...

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Saturday Morning Coffee #62

Spent an incredibly long time at the Alabama Drivers Licensing office yesterday. A fitting monument to bureaucracy if I've ever seen one.

Step 1: Get in line.

Step 2: Tell the Nice Lady why you're there.

Step 3: Nice Lady checks to make sure you've got all the proper paperwork with you, then takes your name down and says, "I'll call you up as soon as I can."

Step 4: Spend two hours sitting in the impressively overcrowded room, chatting with Sumdood about how unfair it is that he was not allowed to have a drivers license the entire time he was on parole.

Step 5: When your name is called, go back to Nice Lady and get a number.

Step 6: Take your number into the next room...wait another hour-and-a-half until your number is called. Feign sleep because you don't feel like talking to the Alabama State Parolee of the Year, who's taken quite a shine to you.

Step 7: Pay your money, have your eyes checked, sign the form.

Step 8: Stare in stunned disbelief at Nice Lady #2 when she hands you your slip of paper that says 'Interim License' and tells you, "Your license will be mailed to you in 2-3 weeks."

That was just the licensing step...
Vehicle Registration is handled by another department, in another building, somewhere across town.

Wow. I can't believe I spent all those years complaining about the Virginia DMV.

I'm going to get the library finished today, then get to work on the garage.


Inappropriate Humor in 3...2...

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Lots of Time on the Road

Did You Know?

Not many people know this...

...but your car has a secret device on it, called a "turn signal".

If you look at your steering column, you'll find a cleverly disguised lever, which will activate a flashing orange light on the outside of your car.

It flashes to let other drivers know which direction you are thinking of fucking going.

You inbred fucktard...


Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Hump Day Rule 5 - Lauren Drain

She wrote a book about her time in the Westboro Baptist Church, and how she got away from that weirdo cult shit.


Am I going to go to Hell for thinking what I'm thinking about the Westboro Baptist chick?

Monday, May 20, 2013

Start your Monday with a Workout



for Bacon



Sunday, May 19, 2013

Sunday morning sleep-in #48

The Bayou Renaissance Man has published his first novel, and from what I hear, it's a doozy.

Take the Star Road is available as an e-book right now. The link is on the right side of Peter's blog page, right at the top.

I'm waiting for the print version, so no spoilers!

I just can't seem to get used to the Kindle books and their ilk. I've given it the old college try, but I just don't feel like I'm getting into a book unless I've got that whole "tactile response" thing going on.
After a day with my face buried in a laptop and Blackberry screen, I like to lie down at night with a good book. This generally ends with me falling asleep with said book lying on my chest.
In the morning, as I make the bed, the first thing I do is dig through the sheets and blankets to find whatever book I was reading the night before.

Falling asleep with a Kindle on my chest just doesn't do it for me.

Hurry up and get the print version out, Peter!

I may end up wandering around down by Panama City this week. (Florida, not Panama)

I've got an Aunt down that way somewhere that I haven't seen in 30 years.
Wondering whether it would be worth the trouble to look her up and visit, or would it be too awkward?
I don't have one of those touchy-feely families...obviously.

No shortage of guns on the shelves here in Bama, but ammo is still pretty scarce.

Guns that I cannot buy because I haven't gotten my driver's license changed over yet.

Another item on the ludicrously long list of shit I need to get accomplished if I ever get some free time on a weekday.

Alabama is a "waiting period" state.
"No instant gratification for you!"

Inappropriate humor in 3...2...

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Saturday Morning Coffee #61

Our lovely daughter, Miss B, is in town for an "exchange-of-all-your-shit-you-didn't-pack" visit.

Somehow we forgot our good spaghetti pot and my favorite bacon skillet; and we brought down the VCR that was supposed to stay up there with her.

We've been having a lot of fun. Both Miss B and I are Thrift Store Junkies.
Man, Alabama is a treasure trove of thrift stores. Yesterday, Miss B scored a half-dozen Elfquest comics in mint condition at the flea market just on the other side of town.

Mrs B finally put her foot down, and said no more thrift stores. Today, we are to go to the mall with her and shop for brand new shit in a haven of air-conditioned comfort. we're going out before she wakes up this morning to hit the last couple ones we saw driving around yesterday.

If I find a desk for the library, I'm going to be in big trouble.

The Obama Presidency in LOLCatz pictures...





Not as LOL as I thought it would be...

Thursday, May 16, 2013

I wish I'd Said That...

My job is moving at Warp 9...

and I'm still running on impulse engines.


In the meantime, go check out DaddyBear.

The highest patriotism is not a blind acceptance of official policy, but a love of one's country deep enough to call her to a higher plain.
~  George McGovern


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Hump Day Rule 5 - You're so sexy, baby

Com'ere Baby.

Come a little closer.

That's right..., Baby.

It's just you and me here.

You can go ahead and take that top off...

Don't worry about me. I'm having a great week...lots to do.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Sunday morning sleep-in #47

Happy Mother's Day!

I hope Laney's is open, I'd like to take Mrs B there for Sunday dinner.
They have fried green tomatoes.

First I opened up a new blog post and titled it...

I've wandered around the internets, drank too much coffee, smoked half-a-dozen cigarettes (out in the garage)

...and finally realized that I have fuck-all to blog about this morning.

Well...there is one thing...

Inappropriate humor in 3...2...

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Saturday Morning Coffee #60

I'm quickly becoming "that guy who comes by on the weekends to use the washer and dryer"

I did come home with a bouquet of flowers, and I did mention that this Sunday is Mother's Day, so I got some points for that anyway...

Unfortunately, I also mentioned that I need to go to Atlanta, Mobile...etc,.

That didn't go over so well.

My friend Holly Chism (aka The Anti-Soma) has published another book for Kindle.

You can find the link to The Last Pendragon on her blog.

I got my copy, where's yours?

I'll be quizzing you all later on chapters 1-5.

Lots to do. Gotta boogie...

Inappropriate Humor in 3...2...

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Georgia - Congratulations to the Groom

I pulled up to our building at one of my customer's sites in Georgia. As I was putting on my hard hat, eye protection and ear plugs, I noticed that some goober had stuck those damn bullet-hole stickers on his Ford Ranger parked about ten yards away.

So I get out of my truck and head inside. As I passed the Ford Ranger, I realized those weren't the cheesy bullet-hole stickers that I see much too often.
So I went back to the truck and grabbed my camera. I only got the one shot, as sumdood was walking over toward that area and giving me funny looks.
Sumdood with a ZZ Top beard and lots of prison ink. I think the truck was his.

My first guess was a shotgun, something in 00 Buck, but I was confused by the fact that there were nine hits. (one more out of the picture on the left rear quarterpanel, and another skipped off the hood off-picture to the right) 
My Google-Fu tells me that Federal makes a "Personal Defense" 00 Buck load with nine pellets. I've only used the Remington Express 8-pellet. I thought that eight pellets was the standard load for 00. Turns out you can get them with up to 12 pellets in the Magnum shells, depending on the maker. Learn something new every day.

Anyway, looks like the shooter was off to the driver's 1 or 2 o'clock. (or maybe directly to the front, and the driver cut a left just before the trigger was pulled)

From the spread, I'm guessing the range was at least 35+ yards, but no longer than 50.

What's your best guess?