Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet.

Life is Hard. Wear a Helmet

Virginia State Constitution: Article 1; Section 13
That a well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained to arms, is the proper, natural, and safe defense of a free state, therefore, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed; that standing armies, in time of peace, should be avoided as dangerous to liberty; and that in all cases the military should be under strict subordination to, and governed by, the civil power.

Alabama State Constitution: Article 1: Section 26
That every Citizen has a right to bear arms in defense of himself and the State.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Made it

All my adoring fans will be happy to know we made it to Alabama in one piece, along with all our shit.

Today is unpack-the-truck-and-get-it-all-in-the-house day

and I'm fucking tired.


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Saturday Morning Coffee #59


How many of you here in Virginia watched the satellite track on that line of storms that came through last night?
I started out from B'ham, went straight up to Chattanooga, then Knoxville, and then up Route 81 before cutting across the middle of Virginia to get home.
12+ hours behind the wheel, every f*&king minute of it in a howling rainstorm.
I'm definitely getting too old for that shit.

The power was out when I got to the house...of course.


We spend years condemning Russia for their human rights abuses. Many of those complaints centered around their dealings with Chechen (Muslim) separatists since 2000.

Then we get this terrorist attack at the Boston marathon, carried out by...wait for it...

a couple of Chechen Muslims.

Vlad says:
"In Mother Russia, you do not suffer a twist of fate...fate twists you until you suffer."

Vlad - 1 : USA - 0

I know I've got some Stoli around here somewhere...I'm drinking a toast to that asshole tonight.


The move is on in earnest.

There is much to do, and somewhere in there I will go without the internets for a week or so.
Instead of trying to squeeze in a blog post here and there, I'm just going to go Cold Turkey for a couple weeks and get things handled.

I should be back by May.


Inappropriate Humor in 3...2...

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Hutch and the Magnum

I have been remiss.

The event was last weekend, and I'm just now getting around to posting the pictures for everyone.

My boy Hutch gave up the Magnum to raise some money for cancer research...with some help from his wife, and their beautiful son, Sam.

I just spoke with Hutch on the phone last night. We chatted about the old times and the new times, about good and bad coffee, getting harassed by the cops, and cars. Pretty much a 'guy' conversation through and through.
He wanted me to make sure y'all understood how thankful he was for your efforts.

My fellow "Right-wing-gun-nuts", (his words) put over $600 into the pot, to make sure that damn caterpillar came off his face. His total raised was just over $1800. That's more than three times his target.
(Side note: He also mentioned that SrA B gave twice as much money to the cause as MSgt B. I need to step up to the plate.)

A very special Thanks goes out to:








and all the rest of you fuckers who donated anonymously. You know who you are.

(Especially that guy who donated in the name of Owen Z. Pitt.  Rest assured...once this move is over...I will gather up all my MHI books and send them to Hutch. We'll make a monster hunter out of him in no time at all.)

I miss you, old friend.
I hope next winter, when those mountains turn to ice, that y'all can take a few days to come down to Alabama and sit on the back porch and drink a few beers.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Hump Day Rule 5 - Kate

I'm staying in this old hotel in Decatur, Alabama.

This morning, I stopped to chat up the maids on my way down to breakfast.
While I was talking to them, I got a peek inside the housekeeping room on my floor. It was actually the old 2nd floor concierge desk.

Once upon a time, a big hotel like this would have a concierge on every floor.
The room had the old countertop still in place, with a wall full of cubbies for guests mail and keys.

A scene from an old movie flashed through my head. I don't remember which one it was, but I remember Katharine Hepburn was in it, looking lovely as usual.
Some things never go out of style, no matter their age.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


How many of you are waiting for THIS to be blamed on those "Right-Wing-Conservative-Ex-Military-With-Libertarian-Leanings" types?

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Sunday morning sleep-in #45

I found this picture last night on The Book of Face.

There were dozens of comments attached. I read through them all.

Not one person mentioned anything about the fact that the redhead is topless.

Sometimes it's hard being a Dirty Old Man.


That's all I got. Back on the road to Bama again.


Saturday, April 13, 2013

Saturday Morning Coffee #58

The Grandfather of stand-up comedy...was a Corporal in the USMC.

Why does that not surprise me?

R.I.P. Jonathan Winters


Meet Kenneth.

I ran into Kenneth at the Holiday Inn in Pell City, AL.

200+ combat missions over Vietnam, in B-52's.
When I mentioned that my son is now working B-52's, he talked about how he had gotten a chance to fly some of the new "H" models before he retired.
New H's...heh...SrA B would get a kick out of hearing that.

You know how it goes. Once we got chatting, we ended up spending quite a chunk of time hanging around by the coffeepot in the lobby, while his wife stood to one side getting that impatient look on her face...

Inappropriate humor in 3...2...

Friday, April 12, 2013

How I Learned to Mind My Own Business

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "thirteen...thirteen...thirteen..."

The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks,

so I looked through it to see what was going on.

Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick,

Then they all started shouting, "fourteen...fourteen...fourteen..."


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Black Market Cardboard

Why can't you get free cardboard boxes anymore?

Over a career in the military, I feel like I've developed some pretty fair house-moving skills.
For the first time in my life, I've run into some real logistical problems with this move.

When it's time to get packed up, you simply drive around behind the local strip mall or department store and hit up their cardboard bins. Plenty of boxes for everyone. Most of them have been conveniently flattened for easy loading in your vehicle.
Just stay away from the restaurant dumpsters. Nothing good can come of that.

Now I find my plans foiled by some evil plot.
Somewhere along the line, cardboard boxes have risen in value to the point that used cardboard box bins have been padlocked.

Seriously. WTF?
I even went so far as to knock on some of the back doors of these places and ask if they had some cardboard boxes they were throwing out, or if they could grant me access to their valuable hoard of cardboard locked up in the "Fort Knox" dumpster behind their building.
I was told more than once, "We recycle our cardboard boxes. We're not allowed to give them away."

At the last place, I tried to explain that I too wished to recycle some cardboard boxes, after I had re-used them as moving boxes.
Asshole took down the plate number of my truck and told me to leave, or he would call the cops and charge me with trespassing.
(My daughter has explained to me that, in the parlance of her generation, this is commonly referred to as "A Dick Move". I'm not sure how well I translated that, but it sounds apt.)

I have mentioned my dilemma to some friends and acquaintances. They have helpfully suggested all the places I can go to purchase cardboard boxes for my move.
Purchase? Really?
I've never bought a cardboard box for moving in my life, and after looking at what retailers expect me to pay for a cardboard box, I'm not inclined to start now.

This has become a matter of honor for me. I will not bow down before the evil cardboard box conglomerate. I must stand up for my right to harvest free boxes from the dumpsters of our great nation.


Monday, April 8, 2013

Gotta love those Monday mornings

0530 - Alarm goes off. MSgt B hits the snooze button.

0535 - Alarm goes off again. MSgt B grumbles and gets his fat ass out of bed.

0545 - MSgt B arrives in lobby. Obtains Elixir of Life. Goes out front for morning religious ritual involving tobacco.

0555 - MSgt B returns to hotel room to find that door lock has gone dead and he can't get back in his room.

0600-0815 - MSgt B hangs around lobby and front walk, pacing around in bedroom slippers with his hair sticking out like Bozo the Clown, consuming large amounts of caffeine and nicotine and cursing under his breath while waiting for the maintenance guy to show up at the hotel.

0820 - Maintenance guy gets lock working again in, like, one minute. (Four AA batteries and a phillips-head screwdriver. Huh. Now I know what to keep in my truck...)

0825 - MSgt B discovers he can hardly type from the caffeine shakes. Then, MSgt B is reminded that caffeine is also a laxative. MSgt B doesn't have time for a blog post this morning.

It can only get better...right?


Sunday, April 7, 2013

Sunday morning sleep-in #44

You guys are fucking awesome!

Check this out.

From Hutch's St. Baldricks donations page.

I awake this morning to find that Jennifer has grabbed the ball and run with it.
Anyone else who gets the urge, please feel free to link my This Is Sam post, or just grab the video and link from that page.

I saw that "Owen Z. Pitt" up there and I got all emotional and shit. You guys are a great bunch of people.

Updated to Add: 
Damn...  JayG ran with this one too.
It's all, like, real bloggers are talking about this and shit.

Damn dusty in here..

Hanging out with the guys in Mordor sure sounded like a good idea yesterday.

I got to my hotel last night to find that there are two wedding parties staying here this weekend.
Someone got the great idea that all the little kids should stay at the hotel Saturday evening and play in the pool, with some family members designated to watch over them.

Guess who's room is right next to the indoor pool? and it was the last room available, so no chance of getting a different one...

They rounded up all the kiddies and quieted them down by about nine o'clock.

Just in time for all the drunk adults to come rolling back in from the wedding celebrations...

Inappropriate humor in 3...2...

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Saturday Morning Coffee #57

I'm going to go hang out with the boys in Mordor for the weekend. Maybe get caught up on some paperwork.


PS - Scroll down to the next post and give some money to Hutch.

Friday, April 5, 2013

This is Sam

Sam is the only son of Hutch.

Hutch and I went to High School together at Massanutten Military Academy in Woodstock, Virginia. Way back, hell...a long damn time ago.

Hutch and I both served in the First Gulf War. You remember that one, way back when that evil old Saddam invaded poor little Kuwait, and we ran in there and saved the day.
Hutch drove a tank recovery vehicle around in the desert for a few months. (Probably got plinked-at by a couple A-10's along the way. We all know those warthog pilots are a trigger-happy bunch...)

Anyway, the point I'm getting to is that Hutch is a stand up guy from way original Bad Motherfucker.

He and I have always sort of on-and-off kept in touch with each other over the years. Every once in a while, one of us will be up late drinking, and we'll call the other guy in the middle of the night.
You know how that shit works.
We'll ramble at each other for a bit, all drunk and shit, and then promise each other that we'll call more often, etc., etc..

Last time I talked to Hutch was after Sam's surgery. He talked to me about the chemo and stuff.
As usual, Hutch was upbeat and confident. He talked about all the weapons at their disposal, and how they were going to use them to whup this cancer bitch's ass and send it running home to momma and crying.

I gotta be honest with y'all. If that was my son, I'd be a blubbering fucking idiot.

So here's the kicker. Hutch is going to shave that fucking mustache off his face to help raise some money. He's had that damn caterpillar on his face since before High School, seriously, I've never seen him without it.
His target is only $500, I think he should be getting a lot more than that
Here's what he posted on The Book of Face.

"As you can see I don't have much on the top of my head to shave, so I have decided to shave that which is most important to me, my Magnum, the mustache that has been with me from the start. Literally, I was born with it. I have shaved it twice in my life, both times for elementary school pictures. I will shave it if I can get 500 bucks worth of donations, I know, its not alot, but I'm not that popular. The cause is a good one please help the smart people find a cure for this terrible thing called cancer."

Go to this site right HERE, and make a donation.

Right now.

Put the fucking beer down and grab your wallet.

23:22 - Updated to Add:

Like I original Bad Motherfucker,

I Feel Like Singing a Shanty

For what reason?

I'm not sure.

If I don't get a key to a house today, I'm not inclined to drive all the way back to Virginia.

Maybe I'll go hang out in Mordor. Those guys work all weekend anyway.

Either's Friday, Bitches!